Can't Smile Without You
by RadicalSatire
Summary: Drabble/one-shot! Josef Kostan has to live with his mistake everyday.His biggest mistake was saying yes to Sarah. Josef-centric. Please read and review!


_Authors Note;; I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. This is my first time writing a fanfic. My friend sort of pushed me into it. ( iCorz )She requested a Josef-centric one-shot, so I hope this is up to her standards!_

_If you guys could be so kind to read and review? I'd love to know what you think!_

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She'd been in a coma since 1955.

He'd been looking after her for well over fifty years. He'd provided the best care that money could buy. The best caretakers, hand selected by himself. He did feel as if he owed her. He should have been smarter, stronger. He should never have tried to change her. Arguing with Sarah was painful, she was as stubborn as she was beautiful. While at first he'd been so adamant about denying her request – part of him entertained the idea far more than it should have. She wanted to be just like him. A vampire, a monster. She didn't care that it meant she would have to live off another creatures blood. Nor did she care that she would survive her family; whom she had been so close to. She would stay young while they would grow old and pass on. She didn't care. She didn't care because she wanted to be with him.

The moment he had looked into her eyes that day at Grand Central station, he'd known that she was something special. Over the course of the year they'd spent together, he'd almost become convinced that he had become a vampire just so that he could stay on earth long enough to meet Sarah. Josef had known the risks but he had gotten involved anyways. Now, most days he loathed himself for it. He'd had a year with Sarah. A year wasn't too much time when you lived forever. That year hadn't been long enough.

He couldn't remember what thoughts had been rolling through his mind the night that he attempted to change her. While Josef couldn't remember his own thoughts, he could remember Sarah's. She'd been vocal about them. She had been scared but excited. Shed wanted it so badly; she'd known that it was the only way that they could truly be together. That night she must have said that she'd trusted him well over a dozen times. It truly amazed him, even all those decades later. She had been so calm – all the while well aware of what was going to happen to her. Sarah had accepted the risk and in the end, he had to.

It had taken him three centuries to find he and only one night to lose her.

If meeting her had truly been fate, as he'd thought all along – what did losing her mean? What was that? Saying that it simply wasn't 'meant to be' wasn't good enough. He'd never even considered uttering the word soul mate before he'd met Sarah. Afterwords, there was no way he would use that word ever again.

His soul mate was lying before him in a large bed. She'd been lying there for years.

The visiting killed him. Normally witty and composed until he was in Sarah's bedroom. The second he laid his eyes on her it felt as if the damn broke. Every time he visited he confronted his figurative demons. When he looked at her he saw the single biggest mistake that he had ever made. One that he would have to live with.

He'd considered the idea of letting Sarah go. The doctor which he had hired believed that if Sarah were to be taken off of the blood transfusions she would likely pass on. She wouldn't be stuck in the terrible limbo any longer. It hurt so much to see her like that, but the thought of not seeing her at all – he couldn't bring himself to do it. Having her there provided an ounce of hope, granted hope which he did not deserve. During the past fifty years he had learned the hard way that two popular sayings were strikingly true. The road to hell was paved with good intentions; and people did in fact do crazy things when they were in love. Common sense goes out the window. Still, he didn't blame Sarah. He should have been the voice of reason. He shouldn't have given in to the temptation, the promise of having Sarah by his side forever. No matter how much he wanted to, it was something that he could never take back.

No amount of money, or prayers to some unknown entity could right his wrong. For once, there was something out of his reach. He would have to live with the consequences forever.

He would have to live without Sarah.

He would have to live alone.


End file.
